Jet - ‘Shine on’ (Or, what a CD would say if it could talk to its buyer)

By the time you read this, I will be gone. You waited a long time for me to arrive but when I did you had moved on, on to another band and left me on the shelf. We were the future of rock n roll but now we are on the same level as the relics we emulate, I, even in this early stage of my life find myself lying in bargain bins across the land.

My name is ‘Shine On’ and I am Jet’s second long player. I was supposed to electrify the music scene but when it came to the crunch Jet had run out of fifty pence pieces, now I know how a puppy feels when it is cast aside on a cold Boxing Day.

I thought there were enough people out there who liked meat n two veg, Levi 501s, UK Saturday night ‘entertainment’ featuring Ant and Dec, Robbie FUCKING Williams and anyway, who wants to be ‘challenged’ by the back catalogue of Four Tet 24/7 apart from oddballs?

Breaking through in 2004, how you marvelled at my makers cool hair and tight jeans. They were always the second best of the three Aussie bands which made it in the UK from 2002 onwards….not as good as The Vines but thankfully better than the Datsuns.

Even after wrapping your ears around their particular brand of no thrills rock, you still won’t remember my name or how I sound until someone says, “Hey, remember that Jet track which was used on an i-pod advert?”, “oh yeah, where are they now”, the track being my creators finest moment, ‘Are you going to be my girl?’

I was warned and I did tell them but they didn’t listen, the times I told them –‘If you’re going to rip off Oasis, stay clear of the shit albums….’ it was difficult though as there are so many shit ones to choose from so they found it hard, I was told ‘Standing on the shoulder of giants’ though not the major seller of previous, was their most forward thinking album….is it not?

You were too busy to care so you’ll miss raucous McCartney written Beatles rockers such as ‘Rip it up’; you’ll miss the Badfinger stylings on the luscious semi-acoustic ‘Shiny Magazine’, you won’t hear the cool cowbell laden rock of come-back single ‘Put your money where your mouth is’ and how yet again, when a white indie band sing with falsettos you get called Prince.

You’ll also miss the fact that while I may sound hideously generic, there are at least 45 things less pleasurable than my aural efforts…or was that four to five?

Keep walking why don’t you? Sitting here on a rack on my own with no-one to love and no-one to love me, I see indie kids approach and my hopes are raised then sorely dashed as they walk on by towards the Kasabian and Keane cds.

Shine on?? I’m barely the last flicker of a tea-light mate. 5/10

Chris Todd